Dec

13

Bark.

Filed Under | 3 Comments

Dear Neighbors in NoDa,

I wanted to take a moment and let you know how much I enjoy spending time with you. I don’t care what other people say. I don’t think you’re posing as Avant Garde folk simply as a means of getting the attention that your petty-bourgeoise parent’s didn’t lavish you with. I understand that you’re making Bohemia, and I applaud you for it.

But I have one quick thought:

The next time your dog — be it a Rottweiler, Doberman or German Shepherd — isn’t on a leash and makes a lunge towards my small, adorable, well-behaved, leashed dog, I will not take two seconds to think about clobbering it’s head in with a rock. I’m sure your dog is wonderful and treats you well. Or maybe it’s a monster…It doesn’t really matter. Bringing an animal in from outside and naming it Oswald or Petunia or whatever-you-want does not, I repeat DOES NOT, make it capable of rational thought. Scolding an angry dog does very little good when he is using my dog’s leg bones as toothpicks.

On a side note, you may not have noticed that we live in apartments and don’t have a yard. Or a herd of buffalo to hunt. Although Rottweiler’s add a certain amount of “Street Cred” to your image, I’m not sure that thugging up NoDa with not-very-smart, aggressive, over-powered dogs is a very good idea. Just a thought.

I’m serious, by the way, about the rock. You’ve been warned assholes.

Yours very truly,
David

edit:
Lindsey made a fair point in her comment. I will only clobber the dog if really threatened. Scouts honor. I will, however, clobber the dog’s owners on the head with a rock the next time I see a vicious horse that isn’t on a leash.